I don’t know. When do you think we’ll have kids? We’re already a family. We’re already all a family.
I’ve been known to roll my eyes at the empty “It’s so great!” responses I hear from newly marrieds. The smiles and sugar frustrates me to no end, but I get it. They don’t really want to hear the truth.
The sweet lady that stops you in the hallway at church doesn’t really want to hear that you fought on your honeymoon or you ruined your husband’s favorite shirt in the wash or actually, you cry when the lasagna burns, thank you. Your well-meaning relatives don’t want to hear that marriage can be lonely, that a sharp word from or about your mother-in-law brings around that thick tension again, that your own precious childhood memories threaten to rain on the holiday parades.
Do they really want to know that the thought of having children is utterly and completely terrifying, that you’re afraid of losing yourself, losing your connection with your spouse, becoming someone you don’t recognize? That some days you can barely hold your own self together; how can you manage to hold a tiny person?
And then. Sometimes? You find someone that wants to know. Grab those people and hold on tight, you guys. That’s a miracle.
We’re two and a half years into this thing, and I know that in fleeting moments it can feel easier to do it on your own and I also know that it’s ten kinds of impossible to do it on your own. It’ll probably be 20 kinds of impossible if we have kids. That’s life. Married or not married, kids or no kids, that’s life. We need our family – our siblings and our parents and our single friends and our married friends and our community of truth tellers and grace givers. Blood relatives or not. We need you.
We need people who ask us the hard questions, who open their homes, invite us to their tables and extend their hearts. We need you, who befriend and befamily with laughter and wine and prayer and grace, who want to talk about the mess. You make the beautiful and the mess even more lovely.
I’m linking up with the Messy, Beautiful Warrior Project – to learn more or join us, CLICK HERE.
Learn about the New York Times Bestselling Memoir Carry On, Warrior: The Power of Embracing Your Messy, Beautiful Life, just released in paperback.